Sometimes...you need therapy!
SOMETIMES...YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know it has been a long while since I posted last. Writing these posts at the time was a comical release due to my situation work-wise and having my small family stay with me, couped up in a tiny studio. Now that we are full fledged into quarantine, living in our 1867 sq/ft four bedroom home, it sometimes feels like we are still living in small quarters. Not really, but you get my drift.
Relationships. They are messy, complicated, beautiful, enriching, and often demand more work from us than ever before. Yet, I cannot imagine my life without the close relationships that I have. We took an amazing trip recently to visit family during this chaotic time, which had us spending about 16+ hrs total in the car, plus some for the hours driving between family members homes. It is my firm belief that no road trip is complete without some sort of conservation about your relationships with one another. Yes, my wife and I got into an disagreement on the way out there. I say disagreement mainly because if I deemed myself a respectable man, I would not disclose the details on of my most intimate conversations. Especially when they involve my lovely companion in life. BUT, what I will disclose are two important factors: How this conversation started and how it ended.
For those in close relationships, you will inevitably have an "argument" about how you are being treated by that significant other. We expect those we love to simply love us, despite our flaws and weaknesses. Honestly, our loved ones show that by sticking around. It is a deeper love to stick around and to help you overcome those flaws and weaknesses, or at least help us mitigate the effects of it all. I am not entirely sure what is the best way for it all to come out though. Most of the time it is born from a moment that sparks the issue to arise and it is discussed. Passions flare, walls are built to protect or defend, someone is either left feeling victorious or defeated. Correct? I have been on both sides of that wall and have never felt truly victorious in winning an argument or completely defeated if I lost. What matters most is how you end it.
Those we love deserve the best part of us. But that takes time and a lot of effort on our part to make it reality. In all honesty, I don't quite remember why we were so heated and upset at each other in the moment. It's not that I do not value what was said. What I do remember is that we both agreed to change our behaviors for the other, so it must be deeply rooted into my subconscious by now (lol). I do recall though that we had both genuinely apologized to each other, gave a tender hug or kiss or gentle squeeze of the leg, showing that we indeed love each other. Great ending to what could have been a most challenging road trip otherwise.
Back in our college days we really would have it out with one another though. We were young then, but we both knew that we wanted to be together no matter what. We talked about that on this road trip, about the timeline of how we got married and some "what ifs". Overall, not matter how well we dissect it, we almost always conclude that where we are now is where we want to be. That right there is what I am most grateful for. Grateful that we now have the ability to express our feelings with each other, get into arguments, and fix those issues together. I remember meeting a friend in college who said of her marriage, "we never get into fights or talk about all those issues because it is too hard and scary." I can recall feeling sorry for her. If you never openly talked about what's on your mind and heart with the ONE person you should feel the MOST comfortable to do all of that with, that to me is more of a nightmare than anything. I think that will be a topic for another blog entry.
I'm not going to apologize for writing such a serious post amidst some of my more comical pieces, but this is truly something we can all work on with any of our relationships we value. Being open and vulnerable, is STRENGTH. Try it. Take a mental health day, and then come back giving those relationships EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!!
Relationships. They are messy, complicated, beautiful, enriching, and often demand more work from us than ever before. Yet, I cannot imagine my life without the close relationships that I have. We took an amazing trip recently to visit family during this chaotic time, which had us spending about 16+ hrs total in the car, plus some for the hours driving between family members homes. It is my firm belief that no road trip is complete without some sort of conservation about your relationships with one another. Yes, my wife and I got into an disagreement on the way out there. I say disagreement mainly because if I deemed myself a respectable man, I would not disclose the details on of my most intimate conversations. Especially when they involve my lovely companion in life. BUT, what I will disclose are two important factors: How this conversation started and how it ended.
For those in close relationships, you will inevitably have an "argument" about how you are being treated by that significant other. We expect those we love to simply love us, despite our flaws and weaknesses. Honestly, our loved ones show that by sticking around. It is a deeper love to stick around and to help you overcome those flaws and weaknesses, or at least help us mitigate the effects of it all. I am not entirely sure what is the best way for it all to come out though. Most of the time it is born from a moment that sparks the issue to arise and it is discussed. Passions flare, walls are built to protect or defend, someone is either left feeling victorious or defeated. Correct? I have been on both sides of that wall and have never felt truly victorious in winning an argument or completely defeated if I lost. What matters most is how you end it.
Those we love deserve the best part of us. But that takes time and a lot of effort on our part to make it reality. In all honesty, I don't quite remember why we were so heated and upset at each other in the moment. It's not that I do not value what was said. What I do remember is that we both agreed to change our behaviors for the other, so it must be deeply rooted into my subconscious by now (lol). I do recall though that we had both genuinely apologized to each other, gave a tender hug or kiss or gentle squeeze of the leg, showing that we indeed love each other. Great ending to what could have been a most challenging road trip otherwise.
Back in our college days we really would have it out with one another though. We were young then, but we both knew that we wanted to be together no matter what. We talked about that on this road trip, about the timeline of how we got married and some "what ifs". Overall, not matter how well we dissect it, we almost always conclude that where we are now is where we want to be. That right there is what I am most grateful for. Grateful that we now have the ability to express our feelings with each other, get into arguments, and fix those issues together. I remember meeting a friend in college who said of her marriage, "we never get into fights or talk about all those issues because it is too hard and scary." I can recall feeling sorry for her. If you never openly talked about what's on your mind and heart with the ONE person you should feel the MOST comfortable to do all of that with, that to me is more of a nightmare than anything. I think that will be a topic for another blog entry.
I'm not going to apologize for writing such a serious post amidst some of my more comical pieces, but this is truly something we can all work on with any of our relationships we value. Being open and vulnerable, is STRENGTH. Try it. Take a mental health day, and then come back giving those relationships EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!!
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