How to shot put your screaming toddler down a mountain

Today was an eventful day.  The one day we decided as a family to go on a hike together, our beautiful and precious little angel daughter decided she was having none of it.  As a father, I cherish the moments when my daughter comes to me with open arms squealing my name with joyous ferver. It makes my cholesterol ridden heart skip a beat when she wraps those tiny little arms around my neck and gives me a kiss, very much like the ol' children's hymn we would sing on Father's Day.  Yet, today of all days was one that will stand out and forever be, "Never go hiking with a two and a half year old EVER" day.

Listen, I have read a lot of different articles and spoke with numerous friends and family members who have said the earlier you get your child into camping and hiking, the more likely they will be excited to do those activities.  The same goes for sleeping in their own bed without breaking down into an anxiety driven frenzy that can only be calmed by sacrificing your expensive comfortably large King size bed.  Side note: It still amazes me that a child who is 38" tall can take up that much space on a bed this size.  I mean, I'm no Slim McSlimmy, but I can only sleep on my side for a few hours during the night.  Side note to the side note: she is just tall enough that when I sleep towards her, she still happens to nail my crown jewels dead on with her feet, but I digress.

Back to the eventful family hike.

The day was beautiful! The sun was out, it was cool on the Mount of Charleston, and as a adventurous father I picked out a lovely and easy hike called Lower Bristlecone trail.  We woke up reasonably late...8am. Better than most days with our hellion.  Had a wonderful breakfast and got to the trail head before 11am.  The beginning of the hike was perfect! We all walked together up the trail, with very few people there to crowd our way.  Then we felt that the speed we were travelling was not going to allow us to see much of the trail and landscape, so we saddled up the child carrier for our little angel to be buckled into, and in a blink of an eye ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!  The same child that would hug me close and kiss me reacted so adverse to me being remotely close to her, reaching out in agony to "mama" for aid.  Thank goodness this was a family hike and not a father daughter outing.  People would have thought I was some sort of abusive child killer the way she was acting towards me any time I came near her.  Suffice it to say we did not make it very far on the first part before we swapped who carried her in the pack.  At one point we even tricked her with snacks when mama was carrying her and immediately put her on my back to rest of the way.  For a moment, there was silence and sense of calm as we trekked our way up the gorgeous mountainscape.  Yet, the time always comes when you have to decide we have trekked far enough because there is the journey back to consider.

We turned around, stopped a bit to let our wee one stretch her legs and explore.  One of my favorite activities is when she finds long sticks and wants to pretend to sword fight.  She giggles and laughs as you play make believe fighting.  Thankfully we were able to take a few wonderful posed pictures as a family and of her playing amongst the trees.  Then the trek back to the car began.  If life ever posted signs along your path saying "Beware", "Danger ahead", "Warning, turn back now", this would have been an ideal time for that.  Again, our little cherub devil could not withstand being strapped in the child carrier for one minute more than she had to earlier, and when you have demon siren screaming her wailing cries straight into your ear canal, it takes its toll.  I believe it was almost every 10 steps we took, she demanded to be held by "mama" only, and when she would be picked up she couldn't sit still in her arms long enough to get very far.  That walk back to the car seemed to never end.  I try to be as patient as possible, but I definitely let it get the better of me.  At one point I even mimicked the idea of lobbing her down the steep mountainside just for the satisfaction of peace and quiet.

I wish that I could say at one point she ended up being a better child once we got her to the car and put her precious Frozen II to play on the ipad, but her antics would repeat themselves often throughout the day.  She has had more time outs in her room than any other day prior.  We put her to bed early, and happily made ourselves homemade crunchwrap supremes, ending the day more weary than we had started.  And I still look forward to sleeping within a 2 ft space on that large comfortable King sized bed.